Home
by Hasty Hasting's 16
Summary: It's been five years since tragedy threw a wretch into Aria and Ezra's nearly perfect relationship. After years of struggling, Aria returns to Rosewood with her four-year-old daughter Caroline to begin rebuilding her life. Ezra is recently divorced, and works as a criminal defense attourney for Spencer's top law firm. What will happen when their paths cross once again?


No more. No more. No more. No more. No more. Those two words and a million other thoughts swarm through my mind as I stand alone in my bathroom with the bag of pills I've been saving up for the past six months. This is it. No more. No more thinking about her. No more thinking about him. No more fake smiling. No more crying. No more suffering. I'm done. Just... Done. I rip open the bag of pills without an ounce of hesitation. This is it. Goodbye, world. Goodbye, life. Goodbye, pain. Hello, sleep. I've been waiting for you. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello.

The pills are only a few centimeters from my chapped lips now. I can almost taste them. Almost. Before my fingers can let go of the magic pills that will make me go to sleep forever, the bathroom door barges open. I glance up at the mirror and realize that Spencer is standing directly behind me. She's a mess. Mascara is running down the olive face that hovered over me while I was in the hospital giving birth and the dark locks I braided every single day in seventh grade are in knots. No. This isn't part of the plan. She's supposed to be with Toby. Spencer wasn't supposed to find the note until after I fell asleep. No, no, no, no, no.

"Aria... Oh thank God you're okay. Please-please just put the pills down," Spencer says as she takes a step towards me.

I don't listen to Spencer. I'm not going to put the pills down. I don't want to put the pills down. I want to go. That's why I shake my head slowly. And then I lower my hand so that the pills aren't a few centimeters away from my lips anymore. I'm not going to take them. Not yet, at least. Spencer needs to go first. I don't want her here. Go, go, go, go,go.

"Leave," I murmur as I stare directly into her tear filled hazel eyes.

"N-No. I can't leave. I-I'm so sorry that you feel sad enough to do this. If only I had known... It doesn't matter anymore. You're sick, Aria. You're very sick. We can get you help though. I'm going to get you help. Just drop the pills, okay? Drop them," Spencer says so softly that for half of a second I consider taking her advice.

No. I can't take her advice. It's too late. I don't want help. I just want to die. Soon I'll be Ella and Byron's late daughter. Mike's late sister. Spencer's late best friend. Caroline's late mother. Ezra's late... Ezra's late nothing. I'm not anything to Ezra anymore. It's too late for that. Late, late, late, late, late.

"I'm not sick, Spencer. I just don't- I just don't want to be here anymore. Caroline's gone. T-They took her away, so now I want to go away. I love- I love you a lot. Goodbye," I whisper before raising the hand that's filled with pills and opening my mouth like a fish.

I'm a split second away from dropping the pills into my mouth when I feel myself falling down. The pills fly everywhere and land with a THUD. I look up and gasp when I see Spencer hovering over me with a pair of outstretched arms. She just pushed me. It was just like that time in second grade when I beat her at four-square and she shoved me hard. I fell. Down, down, down, down, down.

"What did you do?" I scream so loud that I startle myself.

"I'm so sorry, Aria. You'll thank me for this someday," Spencer mumbles before laying down on my body and covering me like a blanket.

I want Spencer to get off. I want her to stop fighting me. That's why I push. And shove. And yell with so much force that I worry my chest will rip open. Spencer doesn't move though. She just keeps laying on top of me like a log that won't budge in the mud. I don't bother telling her to stop though. I told a man to stop once. He didn't listen. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

"Sh-sh. It's okay, Aria. It's all going to be okay. I'm right here. The ambulance is on the way. So is your mother. She said she'd call Ezra... Oh never mind. It doesn't matter. What matters is that you're okay," Spencer says as she bursts into tears.

I'm not okay. I want Caroline. I don't care about the ambulance. Or Spencer. Or my mother. Or Ezra. I just care about Caroline. I'm not going to get her though. I was too late. Now they have her. My baby girl. Caroline, Caroline, Caroline, Caroline, Caroline. Oh Caroline...

(Line Break)

"Momma, wake up. Please wake up," a little voice says.

So I wake up. My eyes flutter open, and I see Caroline hovering over me. She doesn't look right. Not at all. Her brunette curls are stuck to her sweaty forehead, and there is a wild expression in those blue eyes of hers. I bet it's a storm. Caroline always wakes me up when there's a storm. I sit in bed and wait for a moment, but no lightning strikes and no thunder claps. Huh.

"What is it, sweetheart? Why are you so upset?" I ask before sitting up in bed and pulling the child's body close to mine. She's shaking. She's shaking so hard that I instinctively press a hand against her forehead. No fever. That's good.

"Y-you were doing it again, Mommy. You were screaming so loud that it waked me up. I-I got scared because... Because I thought you was hurt!"

Poor baby. I hate that I do this. I hate that I let my nightmares get out of control. Caroline doesn't deserve it, and I feel so badly for waking her up again. Maybe that's why I resist the urge to correct the four-year-old's grammar. She's scared and she's tired. She doesn't need the grammar snob she calls "Momma" to correct her. Not tonight, at least.

"Oh, honey. I'm so sorry. I just- you know that my mind gets a little too excited sometimes when I'm sleeping. It's the new house, I think. Once we get settled, the nightmares will stop. Even if they don't, it doesn't matter. I'm safe, and more importantly, you're safe."

"W-What's inside of your head when you sleep, Momma. Why does it make you scream so much?" Caroline asks with a sniffle.

I don't respond to my daughter's question. How could I? If she knew the truth... No. She's never going to knew the truth. What Caroline doesn't know won't kill her. Knowing might kill her though. God knows it almost killed me.

"Is it monsters, Momma? Sometimes I dream about scary monsters with grey spots and big pointy teeth."

"Yes, Caroline. It's monsters. Monsters with grey spots and big pointy teeth."

"Oh, Momma... It's okay. Monsters aren't real. They're just pretend, remember? We checked my new closet. There wasn't any monsters, remember. Don't you remember?"

"Yes, I remember. Of course I remember," I say as I force a smile.

And I do remember. I remember that when we moved into the new house four days ago, Caroline was worried there would be a monster in her closet. I told her monsters didn't exist, and I shined a flashlight in the dark closet to show her that there was nothing there. So she believes me. She believes that monsters are just pretend. Well, she's wrong. Monsters aren't pretend. I know first hand that they're real. Caroline doesn't need to know that though. I'm not going to let the monsters get near her. As long as my baby is with me, she's safe and sound.

"I can sleep with you tonight if you're still scared, Momma. I don't like sleeping alone when I'm scared."

The girl's words cause my lips to curl into a smile. God knows that Caroline loves sleeping in "the big bed" almost as much as I love having her in it. If it were up to me, Caroline would sleep here every night. Unfortunately, it can't be that way. My daughter is four years-old, and as much as I hate to admit it, she needs to gain some independence. It's not like I'll be able to sleep in her college dorm room.

"That's alright, sweetheart. You can sleep in your big girl room. I'll be fine," I say as I run my fingers through her sticky curls.

"B-but I want to stay with you. Please, Momma, can I stay here?" Caroline asks with a pout.

God damn it. It's so hard to say no to that little face of hers. Well... I suppose one more night won't make much of a difference in the grand scheme of things. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow, and both of us need a goodnight's sleep.

"Hop in," I say with a defeated sigh.

Caroline squeals before crawling under the covers and cuddling close to me. My angel. I smile and instinctively warp an arm around the child. This was a good decision. I'll sleep like a baby with her next to me.

"Momma?"

"Yes, darling?"

"C-can you please tell me a story?"

"A story? But it's two o'clock in the morning!" I exclaim as I glance over at the alarm clock on my nightstand.

"Please, Momma?"

"Okay, okay. What story would you like to hear?" I ask with a tired yawn.

"Tell the story about the day I was borned."

My eye twitches in response. I hate telling this story. Mostly because all of it is made up. I know, I know. It's awful that my daughter's favorite bedtime story is a complete lie. But what else was I supposed to do when Caroline asked me about the day she was born? Tell the truth and break her heart? No. That was never an option.

"Honey, I told you that story a few hours ago. Wouldn't you rather hear about the day you took your first steps, or the day you said "momma" for the first time?"

"No. I want to hear about the day I was borned. I already told you," Caroline says with an irritated huff.

I'm not going to win this battle. It's late, and I have a tired four-year-old on my hands. I'm just going to tell the damn story and get it over with. Hopefully my daughter will be asleep before I finish.

"Okay, sassy. I'll tell the story about the day you were born. Not borned."

"Momma!"

"Fine. Once upon a time, I was living in New York City with Auntie Jessica and finishing my last year of college. You were in my tummy, so I was big. Huge, actually. Every time I looked in the mirror, I felt like a whale instead of a pregnant woman. I was so excited to have my baby girl, but there was a big problem. You didn't want to come out when you were supposed to..."

"Stop. You missed a part!"

"What part?" I ask with a sigh.

"The part about my kicking, silly," Caroline giggles.

"Right. How on Earth could I have forgotten that important detail? As you might already know, you kicked quite a bit when you were still living inside of my tummy. Every night, you would kick so much that I'd see the outline of your little feet. I would think to myself, 'I have a little soccer player in here.' Your kicking prevented me from getting any sleep, but I didn't mind at all. The constant kicking meant that you were a very healthy little girl, and I loved you so much already."

"Yay! Now you can talk about how I wouldn't come out."

"Okay. As I was saying earlier, you didn't want to come out when you were supposed to. The doctors put me on bed rest, which meant I had to lay in bed until you finally decided you were ready to make your grand appearance into the world. Auntie Spencer and Auntie Jessica had to wait on me hand and foot during that horrible week. They were responsible for making me food, getting me water, and even helping me go to the bathroom. And then finally one afternoon, you were ready come out. My tummy started to hurt, so Auntie Spencer rushed me to the hospital and..."

Gurgling. The adorable sound breaks out in the room. Caroline's eyes are sealed shut, and her thumb is tucked deep inside of her mouth. Thank God she's asleep. Now I won't have to lie to her anymore tonight.

"I love you so much, baby girl," I whisper before bending down to plant a soft kiss on my daughter's forehead.

And the gurgling stops. Now there's just silence. I hate the miserable sound of silence. That's why I close my eyes and pretend. I pretend like I'm the perfect mommy who never has to lie to her daughter. I pretend like I have plenty of money to take her to Disney World on summer vacations. I pretend like she has a father who would do absolutely anything for her. Most of all, I pretend like I have the power to freeze time and keep her four-years-old forever.

Caroline has it so easy right now. She doesn't have to worry about where her next meal is coming from or how Momma's going to find a way to pay the rent. Her biggest concern is what dress she's going to wear to her first day of preschool because I take care of everything for her. And she's happy... She's so damn happy. The worst she's ever hurt herself was when she fell off the swings and broke her arm. The doctor put a pink cast on my daughter's arm, and just like that the pain was over. I wish it could stay over forever. But it won't. One day she's going to have her heart broken. It happens to everyone at some point. I know first hand that a pink cast won't stop a broken heart from hurting. It's been almost six years, and I still can't figure out how to make it stop hurting.

(Line Break)

Shaking. Someone is shaking me. It must be Caroline. Oh no. What if something is wrong? She knows not to wake me up on weekends unless there's an emergency. My hazel eyes shoot open like a cannon, and I gasp when I see my mother hovering over me. What in the world?

"M-Mom? What are you doing here?" I ask as I sit up abruptly.

"Your father and I agreed to come over this morning and help you unpack. Seriously, Aria. We planned this on the way home from the airport. Don't tell me you let it slip your mind," my mom says with a breathy sigh.

Of course it didn't slip my mind. I've been dreading this meeting since the day I landed in Rosewood. I just assumed my parents would call before they came parading into the new house. The jokes on me, I guess. To be fair, I should have known better. They've never needed an invitation before.

"I didn't forget, Mom. I just thought you and Daddy were coming over later. I like to sleep in on the weekends," I say as I cross my arms over my chest.

"I'm aware. Caroline told me that she is only allowed to wake you up if the house is burning down," my mom says as she shakes her head slowly.

"S-She told you that?" I ask as a blush begins to form on my cheeks.

"What if an earthquake strikes? What if she falls over and hits her head on something? What if a kidnapper breaks in and..."

"Stop! Please, stop. Caroline isn't stupid, Mom. She'd know to wake me if there was an emergency."

"You have no idea how literal four year olds are, Aria. Besides, this isn't vacation. You moved in four days ago, and this house is still a pigsty. Caroline starts school on Monday, and you start work. How are you going to get anything done if your house still looks like a tornado swept through it?"

I clench my eyes shut and take a deep breath. I want to tell my mom that I know how four-year-olds behave since I have one of my own. I also want to tell her that I have two whole days to get this house straightened up. I don't though. She's going to be here all day, and I'm going to have to pick my battles carefully.

"You're right, Mom. Let's start unpacking now," I mutter as I crawl out of my cozy bed.

"Not yet, young lady. First you have to eat breakfast. It's the most important meal of the day."

"Right. How could I have forgotten? Come downstairs. I'll make eggs or something."

"Already done," my mom murmurs as she floats out of the master bedroom and leads me downstairs to the microscopic room we call "kitchen." When we arrive, Caroline is sitting on my father's lap and scrolling through her favorite picture book. His face lights up like a Christmas tree every time Caroline opens her mouth to speak, and the undeniable love he has for the little girl causes a smile to form on my face. I remember when my father used to look at me with that much pride and admiration. That ship sailed a long time ago, but somehow it's okay. I might have damaged our relationship beyond repair, but I gave him Caroline. What more could my father ask of me?

"Good morning, Daddy," I tell him shyly.

The sound of my voice causes the older man to snap out of his trance and glance up at me. Instead of saying good morning back, he merely nods his head to acknowledge my presence. Oh well. At least my daughter is willing to offer me a kinder greeting. It's been less than ten seconds after my arrival and she's already leaped into my loving arms.

"Momma! You're awake!"

"That's right, sweet girl," I say before offering Caroline an affectionate kiss on the cheek.

"Aria, why don't you take a seat at the table? If you don't eat your omelet soon it will get cold. Not to mention, we have mountains of work ahead of us today. The sooner we get going, the better," my mom tells me seriously.

"Right," I say before taking a seat at the circular kitchen table across from my father and Caroline. Moments later my mom returns with my omelet and takes a seat on the chair to the right of mine. An awkward silence falls over the room, so I nervously take a bit of my omelet. Shit. My mom put avocado in this. Every time I taste avocado, I have the strong urge to throw up. I'm not going to say anything though. I don't want my parents to think that I'm more difficult than they already do.

"How is it, Aria?" My mother asks.

"Delicious," I say as I force a smile.

More silence. I glance up at Caroline, who is picking at the eggs my mother made her for breakfast. This is strange. Usually she doesn't go a minute without talking. The clear tension that exists within this room must be getting to her head.

"So um... Caroline and I really appreciate you two coming over to help," I blurt out.

"It's the least we could do. How do you like the new house, Caroline?" My father asks as his eyes dart down to the little girl in his lap.

Caroline shrugs but doesn't say a single word. It's clear that she hasn't adjusted to her surroundings quite yet. I don't blame her. My daughter has lived in New York for the entirety of her short life, and I know as well as anyone how scary moving to a new place can be.

"I think she still misses New York," I inform my father.

"What do you miss about New York, Caroline?" He questions.

"Central Park and Auntie Jessica," Caroline mumbles.

"Oh, honey! There are plenty of parks in Rosewood. And my sister will come and visit you as soon as she can. Not to mention, your Auntie Spencer lives here," my mom says.

"The parks here don't have duckies. Auntie Jessica used to watch me when Momma was at work."

Here it comes. I'm going to get a lecture on how I should spend more time with Caroline, and how I wouldn't need a relative to watch my daughter if I had only kept her father in the picture. I take a deep breath to mentally prepare myself, but no harsh words come out of my mother's mouth. Huh. Maybe she doesn't want to talk about it right in front of Caroline.

"Well, you start preschool on Monday. You'll be so busy making new friends that you'll forget to miss Auntie Jessica... And your mommy."

My jaw drops. Is my mother really suggesting that Caroline won't miss me on Monday? She's said a lot of harsh words to me over the years, but this is easily at the top of the list. I immediately spring to my feet, but before I can go anywhere my father opens his mouth to speak.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Upstairs. I have a lot of unpacking to do, and it's not like anyone is going to miss me down here."

"Aria, come on. You know that's not what I meant," my mom says with a sigh.

"Whatever. It doesn't matter. I'm done eating anyways. Just so you know, I've hated avocados for as long as I can remember," I say before storming out of the kitchen.

(Line Break)

"Stop... ? Well, I should. But I won't stop until I've captures the Fizza ma Wizza ma Dill, The world's biggest bird from the Island of Gwark, who only eats pine trees and spits out the bark. And boy! When I get him back home to my park,The whole world will say, 'Young McGrew's made his mark. The end," I read to the wide eyed little girl laying a few inches away from me.

"I like that story, Momma. Can you read it one more time?"

"No," I chuckle before gently petting Caroline's head. "You need to take a nap, and I need to unpack more boxes."

"It was worth a try."

"I'm sure it was. Sweet dreams, princess. If you need anything, I'll be right downstairs. I love you so much," I say before planting a kiss on my daughter's forehead and putting the book on her nightstand.

"I love you too, Momma," Caroline says with a tired yawn.

I take a moment to admire the precious child I brought into this world before making my way out of her bedroom. A startled gasp escapes from my lips when I see my mother standing a few feet away from Caroline's doorway. What the hell is she doing here? She's supposed to be helping my father set up the living room.

"M-Mom? What are you doing here?"

"You've been up here for a while, and I was getting worried. I wanted to make sure you and Caroline were both okay."

"We're more than okay, Mom. She just wanted to hear a bedtime story."

"I know that now. I um- I kind of have been lurking around here for the past ten minutes. I know I don't always agree with your life decisions, Aria, but I cannot deny that you're an excellent mother. Caroline's really lucky to have you," my mom says as she rests a hand on my shoulder. I

Why is my mother being nice to me all of the sudden? She's been nagging me all morning, and suddenly I'm an excellent mother? And now her hand is on my shoulder. Maybe it's the simple touch or maybe it's the stress of moving, but within seconds tears are pouring out of my hazel eyes. God dammit. This is the worst possible time for my emotions to betray me.

I have to find a way get it together.

"Honey, what is it?" My mom asks as her voice begins to soften.

"Why are you here?"

"What do you mean? I'm here to help you unpack."

"But you don't have to be here. You're not obligated to stop by the house merely because we live in Rosewood now. If you want, you can go back to visiting on Christmas and sending Caroline a card on her birthday."

"W-why in the world would I want to do that? I want to be in Caroline's life, Aria. Believe it or not, I'd like to be in yours too."

Really? It sure as hell doesn't seem that way. My mom has been treating me like a stranger for the past five years. Then again, I've gone out of my way to be a stranger. Maybe that's why she dislikes me so much. I bet my mom thinks I purposefully built a wall between her and Caroline. If only she knew...

"I-I believe you. I'd also like you to be part of our life."

"I'm glad. That stuff about her not missing you... I wasn't trying to upset you, Aria. I just-I just didn't want her to be nervous about going off to school for the first time," my mom says as she avoids looking into my hazel eyes.

She's lying. My mom made that comment because I hurt her. Instead of coming home after I got pregnant, I stayed in New York and relied on her sister to help with the baby while I finished my last year of college. She thinks I didn't miss her, so now she secretly wants Caroline not to miss me. Well, I did miss her. Not only did I miss her, but I needed her so badly that my heart ached every time I heard her voice. That's the only reason I stopped answering the phone. My mom doesn't get it though. She doesn't get that the only reason I stayed in New York was to protect her. The only reason I stopped taking her calls was because I also needed to find a way to protect myself. I can't explain those things to her though. Not now and not ever.

"I know, Mom. Don't worry. I know," I say, lying through my teeth for both of our sakes.


End file.
